I promise you the world is in a brighter color than you are able to see right now.
I wasn’t really asleep.
So as I lay in his bed and he gingerly made his way around my legs which dangled off his bed, he removed my shoes. Then suddenly I felt his big hand trail up to my calf, which he held softly for a moment. His long fingers trailed over my stomach, and for a moment I craved him with every fiber in my body. Only then he let out a deep breath and left to go shower, and then I really went to sleep.
What a strange thing it is to love someone from afar. For them to never know, that each day they broke your heart.
I spend most of my life conversating with people whom I’ll probably never talk to again.
Sitting in the waiting room.
It’s filled with hard wooden seats that allow no chance of comfort and the walls are covered in these warm colored paintings, as if trying to make up for the lack of comfort in the seating area. A dark mud brown and moss green carpet is spread out on the middle of the floor, where a stained coffee sits in the middle piled with magazines no one will ever read. The clock ticks on and on, I can hear distant chatter from upstairs. Someone’s crying and someone’s laughing. My head begins to fill up with reasons for why I’m here, why I shouldn’t leave, but it’s also begins to fill with reasons why outside is so much better.
3 hours till my birthday
She walks in, yells at me to get dressed and to call my two closest friends to come out.
Were speeding on the high way blasting music. Everyone’s laughing and singing. My heads out the window, not a single car in sight. The night air screams rain but it’s comforting.
We stop at a beach. I’m told to turn around a wait until I’m called. The ocean waves lap behind me and I feel the sudden urge to cry. Why are they so nice to me? Why is everyone treating me so kindly ?
They lit a cake. Around it was several other of my friends who managed to peel away from their parents eyes. The tears rolled out.
1 hour after
We’re Running on the sand. Few of us smoking, the smell of nicotine mixed with the sea air intoxicating. I close my eyes and I hope, with all my heart , that this year will be a great year. That this year, depression will leave me alone.
I have fallen in lust with a man who will never love me.